Cats 🐈

Closing 12 years of love and joy

Bento

Oct 27, 2025 — 4 min read

10 weeks.
That is how long it took from diagnosis of terminal cancer (squamous cell carcinoma) with hardly any symptoms - to losing him.
An integral part of my life now dearly missed.

Now, mind that Goku was incredibly strong and composed, despite the cancer, he stayed playful, talkative, hungry and cuddly.

On the rare occasion I would use the sofa, Goku would come to cuddle up

On the days I'd have to work, he'd join my online meetings or sleep in my arms

For a brief while it felt as though we could somehow make it through and keep this forever, but cancer is a nasty bitch and it changed fast. He became less active, hiding himself away and started bleeding from the mouth randomly or and while eating. We didn't have much time left it seemed.

With little time left, I wanted to make sure both of us get to enjoy the things we liked to make some more meaningful memories together. For this I created a little checklist as a guide. The highlights being the Bell Ritual and Go for a walk.

The list could be so much longer, but many things he likes are daily routine

All talks except 3D Scan (try making him stay still for 200+ pics) and Panna Cotta (it was a whim, wasn't sure he'd like it) were completed. The highlight was certainly going for a walk in the nearby park / forest.

Goku used to be an outdoor cat, but since moving to the big city, he's been at home a lot. Going to the forest was strange to him at first but he followed me around and enjoyed rubbing his face on bushes and sticks.

It's been a while since he's been in forest areas. He loved the greenery!

However, time had not stopped and his condition worsened. He was staying strong and kept eating and being himself, but I knew he was suffering as he was starting to bleed more, so I decided euthanasia was the kindest choice for him.

Now, prior to this, there's another entry on the checklist that is pivotal. The Bell Ritual. As you may know from a video I posted here, Goku had a special connection to that little waiter's bell - which he would ring it both for attention and snacks.

The Bell Ritual was where I showed him that if I light the incense and ring the bell, I think of him and the treats nearby are his to take, no matter where he was. He already knew that's how the bell works so he eagerly rang it, I just wanted to tell him how it works either way.

On the heartbreaking trip to the vet I brought both the Bell and a licking treat. What I didn't anticipate is how quickly the narcosis would work. Before he could finish the snack, he was already getting wobbly and laid down and couldn't ring the bell.

I rang the bell for him to remind him of the ritual and promise and then just held his paw and pet him until the very bitter end as he received the fatal overdose - a heartbreaking moment that I wish upon noone.

Narcosis in full effect, yet not alone. He had both me and his nephew Bento with him.

With Goku's body ceasing to function, I sneakily rang the Bell softly one last time before I packed the Bell and his snack to make my way home, agonized by the realization of finality.

The very first thing I did when I arrived home, besides collapsing and crying, was to put the bell and snack to his picture, light a small candle and the incense ... then, thinking of him, I rang the Bell for him, wishing he would come to finish his his snack.

Thank you for your wonderful company, Goku; I hope you've enjoyed it just as much. 🤍 Could I go back 12 years to spend them with you again, despite knowing this bitter end, I would. May we one day find to each other again.